Monday, 29 April 2013

EXCLUSIVE: Heywood Jablome infiltrates the Cookie Industry (part 1 of a new series)

The Doughnut Turf War has taken another 3 victims this week, children from Year 7 killed in the crossfire between Cookie Cartels while trying to get their fix of the Jam they were addicted to, revealed subsequent investigations by ‘CSI Science Block’. They also showed that all the money that remained on them was all in 50 pence pieces, for ease of getting their next dose.

President Admiral General Szmelikkjfdkhdgffdgfkjowski has been criticised for his apparent lack of action over the senseless killings, which have happened all too often in recent months, after the new Budget relaxed intense restrictions on the Cookie Industry. The Deputy President Admiral General, Dr Brookman has come out to defend the decision to remove the red-tape, claiming it “stimulated the school’s economy”, “benefited many legitimate sellers, such as [a student] who was using this money to spend on Marijuana.”

The head of one of these Cartels was quoted as saying, “Mate, all I’m trying to do is make a bit of money for the summer, innit? Now, are you gonna buy some donuts? Two…”

S**t, the bit about me buying donuts wasn’t meant to be published; who the f**k made that mistake? You’re not supposed to type the whole interview…

TO BE CONTINUED | (This is the first of many exposés on the immoral sale of donuts by Cartels on the playgrounds. The only place to follow this story is The Trash; on Website, on Facebook (, on Twitter (@CricklewoodComp)

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.

No comments:

Post a Comment