Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Leaked Minutes from School Council #5

Item 1: What should the colour of the Ping-Pong table be?
Minutes: Abdi (Year 7) said that the concrete table tennis tables should be painted multi-coloured to 'liven up the school grounds. Abdi (Year 9) instantly replied 'Gay' and Abdi (Year 11) said that they should be left green
Minutes spent on Item: 112 minutes
Actions: Await delivery of Dulux colour charts

Item 2: Lifeboats should be attached to the Main Block in case of floods.
Minutes: Abdi (Year 7) proposed the idea, citing that he had 'lernded abouts it in Geography'. Abdi (Year 8) argued that there wasn't a hosepipe ban due this year, so no need for flood protection and Abdi (Year 12) counter-proposed using Ms Chalibumbum as an alternate buoyancy device for students
Minutes spent on Item: 234 minutes
Actions: God, this one just washed over me.

Item 3: The answer to every maths question should be 42
Minutes: Abdi (Year 10) proposed the idea as 'it would make maths easier, and also I quite like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. There were no arguments against the motion
Minutes spent on Item: 34 minutes
Actions: In effect immediately.

Item 4: The Chicken Panini's should contain more chicken
Minutes: Abdi (Year 8) said that there should be a higher chicken-to-Panini ratio in the Chicken panini's, however Abdi (Year 11) argued that Abdi (Year 8) was only saying this because he is heavily endorsed by Sam's and Abdi (Year 13, also a Food Tec G* student) argued that the overabundance of chicken to Panini would slowly corrupt the structural integrity of the toasted sandwich, rendering it useless.
Minutes spent on Item: 414 minutes
Actions: Chicken Panini's of varying Chicken capacities to be tested by the council next meeting.

Item 5: All funding from the Government given to the school should be in the Public Domain, so that division and disbursement of funding can be contested, if necessary, by students and parents.
Minutes: Mentioned by Abdi (Year 12) as everyone was packing up for break.
Minutes spent on Item: 13 seconds
Actions: Went to break.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.