Tuesday, 17 September 2013

An Unwavering Journey to Dismay

In the very same CNJ paper that reported on our response last Thursday, as well as publishing letters from various parents of students that question the Head's actions in recent times, was a whole-page advertisement for Hampstead School. This is just about how it went:

Orgasm: 'The Best Feeling in the World...'

"Ask anyone associated with Hampstead School and they will tell you about our relentless and exciting journey of transformation that has seen such remarkable progress over the past few years." We're associated with Hampstead a great deal, in fact, we're so associated that their name is in our name, and we can tell you categorically it's not an 'unwavering journey to excellence in all areas', but rather a very wavering journey in some areas due to lack of funding and time for teachers.

"We have a strong reputation locally" for throwing students out when they speak freely, and "we are involved in a number of national and international initiatives." I didn't realise making the school look petty was a national initiative (Also, as a side-note, don't use the word 'initiative' ever, because its overuse in politics and local council recently has changed the definition of 'initiative' to mean complete bollocks.)

"Children only get one chance." True, so perhaps taking that statement into consideration, the Special Lipservice Team and Admiral General Streisandkowski could appreciate the fact that the decisions they make affect people's lives, and that bad decisions could cause repercussions for students down the line.

"Our Achievements include: Recognition in the Good Press for Schools Guide, Healthy School status for our work with local outlets Sam's Pigeon and Meral's, the Sportsmark for running around a bit, as well as recognition from the Prime Minister (by which we mean the Prime Minister's Secretary's Secretary's Intern) for our 'Anti-Bullying' work." That one's just about right. RIP Meral's, Fallen Angel on a spit-roast.

"Backed by an extensive programme of clubs, trips, business links and activities," of which there are less and less every year, "we are dedicated to making the biggest possible difference to every child academically, socially, culturally, and physically," even if we have to kick them out and contact their prospective university.

Even Ofsted have jumped onto the Silver Linings Troubadours band-wagon, citing that Hampstead is "A harmonious community... Students feel safe and their is a clear focus on learning," which is true... when the SLT aren't stalking the classrooms looking for faulty uniform.

And now some bullet-points for no apparent reason:
  • "100% of students offered a university place" despite the Head's best efforts
  • "UNICEF Rights Respecting School," which is debatable
  • "Students pride in their school is evident." No, no it isn't evident. Surely by the fact that this blog is here, there is a lack of pride for the school in its current state. Many students are proud of each other's achievements, and we at the Trash are proud of the teachers and their teaching, but there is little pride left for the school. Let's hope that can change. Also, you would think that a place full of academics could put an apostrophe in Students', or Girls' for that matter (see Girls Only article).
We're not saying "Don't come to our school" to prospective parents, but just make sure this is the right school for your children before you sign up to it. Even ask current students what they think. It does have its problems, but it still has a great deal of good teachers and students, so don't blame the failings of the management on the school. 

Also, we must ask why the management took it upon themselves to pay for a whole-page advert in the papers, when last year the Head was harking on in assemblies about how our school was over-subscribed. We can't understand why they would need to advertise if their school already had too many students wanting to be in it. This is just more evidence backing our claim that the management waste money on making the school look good to the general public.

To view the original advert, see image below:

At least we had the decency to hide these poor sods' identities

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof based on real events, to critique and satirise the actions of the management of the school.


  1. What cracks me up is that you go on here about the fact that your school didn't use apostrophies in the right place, yet you have used the wrong there and effect instead of affect... And that's just a few that I can remember...

    1. We can see six ‘their/there’s in the article, all of which are grammatically correct. And we use ‘affect’ when talking about repercussions, of which the dictionary definition is “to influence someone or something”. A* Engrish for u.

    2. So you changed the effect/affect, but left the their. It's still wrong. Go figure... I'm sure it should say there is a clear focus in learning. Not their. But hey, I'm the one with the a*, right??

    3. Oh and in this blog, you've used there/their 8 times. Maybe you should do math too...

    4. That 'their' is quoted from the ad, so it's not our typo, but the school's. Also, we're only counting 'their/there's from the material we wrote. Thanks for pointing out the school's mistake, though.

  2. OH... and buddy.. thats maths, plural, not math. This is an English school. A shortened for of mathematics, a plural word.

  3. Lovely. It warms my heart to see that at least some of our youth still have spunk and intelligence. Yes, I said spunk and spunk implies balls.

    Good for you boy, you forced shawaddywaddywatsizname into doing the very same thing that he tried to stop you from doing - bringing the gulag into disrepute.

    In my experience, he's typical of the nobs that run our education system and they need to go. You should at the very least insist that the board reprimand him for serious misconduct in involving the police and some are suggesting you sue his totalitarian arse out of his job. - read these comments about your plight http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2013/09/06/hampstead_school_head_sets_police_on_pupil_after_attack_blog/

    You have a bit thumbs up from the IT crowd that are still conscious and, from me too.

    For the avoidance of doubt, I'm in my forties, went to both state and private schools and met just the sort of ego tripping wankers that you're encountering. Why are so many psychos still in education?

    Oh, that'll be the Marxist agenda of creating a culture with one mind, ready for collectivisation as adults, that came out of the Frankfurt School, so yes, you're totally correct about the inherent corruption of government. I know this from working with all levels, from the UN to the EU to the cabinet office, to local authorities. In my experience, they're corrupt tossers, sponging off the rest of us.

    You might want to look at Charlotte Iserbyt's material on education policy, since it looks like you'll be in it for some while longer http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=charlotte+iserbyt+deliberate+dumbing+down+of+the+world&oq=charlotte+is&gs_l=youtube.1.2.0l10.7429164.7432763.0.7437737.

    Keep up the good work and power to you boy