Thursday, 27 March 2014

School Attempts to Stamp Out Entrepeneurilism

The School Management has this week hit back against entrepreneurial cookie sellers, a Trash Reporter has discovered.

Sources close to the action reported that a renowned student, avid member of the school and notorious cookie vendor, was removed from lesson and their contraband seized. Talking in the aftermath, it was reported that the teachers involved said the cookies were being taken as it was "taking money from the school", and "making kids eat your crap cookies rather than hot meals". We here at the Trash are disgusted that the Management have shown a complete lack of entrepreneurial spirit in students, an attribute taught in most Business Studies, and usual totalitarianism.

Firstly, we must address the alleged money grabbing. If the school are so strapped for cash, why don't they delve into the £485k they have, or rather don't have, rather than fleecing teens. Also, if a student is providing a service due to demand, as is evident here, and is undercutting the school, that is simply good, well thought out business. The last time the school attempted to vend cookies of any kind, they were neglected by the masses, and we are sure there were some minor cases of E-Coli. The school cannot behave in such a monopolous way to other sellers, especially when their food is far below par and costing vast amounts more. Equally, as my fellow writer Heywood Jablome will expand on tonight, the school doesn't actually make any money on food.

Then, we move onto the allegation that the produce (cookies, for less observant readers), is in some way "crap". The cookies in question usually originate from shops such as Sainsbury's or Tesco; leading market brands, who have only 226 calories and 5g saturated fat per cookie. We cannot tell as to how much the school biscuits equate to in this respect; they lack any form of informative packaging, but we can guess from the puddles of grease that seems to irradiate from almost everything they cook (yes, even the salad) that it is their cookies that are doing students a world of wrongs.

Also, there is a flaw in the argument that students are somehow being bullied into buying cookies. We have seen no such practice, and find thus that the allegation that the student was "making kids eat" the cookies to be false. You would think that, by secondary school, and the ages of 11 and above, there would be a level of respect and trust that the school has in the students to make their own dietary choices, and bear the subsequent consequences. In fact, by removing the competition in the field, the school is itself bullying students into eating from only one source, unless they manage to find a way out.

If you are caught vending cookies, or any other form of produce, as long as it is not an illegal substance (which, last time we checked, cookies weren't), and the school asks you to give up your stock and/or your money, you have the right to refuse, as they are only legally allowed to search you with your consent. Equally, if you allow them to search, the person searching must be of the opposite sex, with another teacher present to bear witness. If any readers are asked to be searched, do not be intimidated; you have the right to say 'no' as long as you do not have anything illegal on you.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. This is so student readers can hear both sides of the argument, and formulate their own opinions on matters pertaining to their education.

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