Suggestion Box Exclusive 2014

Can you tell what it is yet? The School Mascot
will soon be featuring at all EQU matches, as
well as the boys' changing rooms afterwards.

Longer-lasting readers will have remember a side-splitting article (we laughed) published March last year, about suggestions supposedly 'found' in the then newly-instated Suggestion Boxes. In the time since the publication of that article, an astounding two of those spoof suggestions have actually been put into place by the school.

So, as it is the end of the year, since the last article was so funny, and as we have some amphetamines left over from the weekend, here is Suggestion Box II:

- The school minivan to be sold and replaced by a whale called Germaine that sings the blues (It's a Blues Whale)
- STOP SHRINKING THE JELLIES
- A blazer hood?
- Beds for teachers, so they don't have to sleep upside-down on the ceiling every night
- Older kids to take time out of their busy schedule of non-stop exams and revision to look after us little snot-rags every-so-often, screwing their education over that little bit extra and making them hate us more than already (from A. Year-Seven)
- Correction: there should be an 'A' in the banner that says: 'A SHOOL THT REEDZ'
- Bigger windows in the toilets for smoking out
- Cannabis farm in Ecology Area
- Jacques to be sold in canteens
- MORE BENCHES
- A giant crisp packet that dances around the Quad to deter kids from littering
- One Direction
- New Block to be dedicated in beloved former Deputy Head's honour; the Hitman Block

- Spell my name right you "w**kstains" by J. Szme...[the writing becomes too mad to decipher after that point]

- INTERNET EXPLORER?!?!

- A second betting company to be set up (due to the Competition Commission) named CricklewoodPower

- Sirens at end of Break & Lunch to be replaced by 'That's What Makes you Beautiful' (ONE DIRECTION, AAAAAAAGH) to get people other than Yr 7's to run to lesson.  

- Loudhailers are a form of racism (but not for white people)

In the year and four months since the last suggestion box, we have realised some ideas put forward by students, and are proud to reveal two new services, pictured below:

"East Cricklewood Community Metropolitan Comprehensive School Tut-tuts, with the
school emblem on the back made out of human hair, 26” gold rims and to be
pulled by a panda named Steve."

"Treacle Dispensers to be placed
around the school."