Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Top Ingrish

Most of the guest articles we receive are well-versed student opinion pieces, anecdotes and, on occasion, some literature, however, once-in-a-blue-moon we receive some utter, completely illiterate, unspellchecked, bile, so we understand where the ETC. magazine get their 'amazing' "Creative and Non-fiction pieces". So, in the spirit of their banality, we lifted the following from one of said articles that failed to make the editorial cut:

Head delivers autumn statement
Today the decapitated head, mr lemoncoughsweet, delivered his speech to the oh so brilliant school council (OMG ONE DIRECTION, AAAAAAAGH!).

In his spech of economic recovery, the Lord of the Fishes declared that Cricklewood Comprehensive will be cutting back on school funds, yet still increasing his banner spending. Over the course of the speech a couple of hooligans known only as abdi and Abdullah, burst into the room and bombrded the head and his minions with double chocolate cookies. They were later caught and excluded.

The decapitated head concluded with informing the council with the wise words of "We will make more banners! Mohammed Labanah King Jr will not stop us today! Rise minions, RISE!!"
-Meg Usta

(Please excuse the lack of the following corrections, in chronological order: [capital] D, [capital] A, [capital] S, [capital] D, [capital] H, [capital] M, fullstop, [capital] L, 2x hyphens, [capital] S, [capital] C, e, [capital] A, a, [capital] H, [capital] D, [capital] H, as well as the general lack of syntax, diction, finesse, humour and sense of plot.)

Book Review: Of Mice and Men
by our Year 11 Literary Correspondent, Li Tracy

Didn't read it. Is it important?

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