Those Special Hampstead Blick Friday Deals You Missed:

Yes, after having nothing to give thanks for, Hampstead students were given the rare opportunity to buy old crap that the school were clearing out their propaganda stock cupboards at bargain prices last Friday. Getting in on the action, the Hampstead Trash managed to shift the majority of our Blazer-hoods, Malbikeshed cartons and pink llamas, which were, in hindsight, an impulse buy. Anyway, here are those very szpecial Blick Friday deals you missed:

An Authentic second-hand Hampstead Treacle Dispenser - Only 50p! And comes with FREE Year 7 child attached to it* (*like security tag, cannot be removed, however hard you try)

A Shrinkable Jelly - cooked up by CaterLink, this item will give you seconds of entertainment! Watch as the jelly literally disappears in front of your eyes! 60p* (while stocks last and/or are still visible)

Gaffer Tape - Sick of schoolchildren saying what they think out loud? Tired of other peoples' opinions? This is the gift for you: simply attach a small piece to the problem's face and enjoy the sweet sound of silence! £1.00

10% Off Lobotomy (We literally take 10% off) - Sick of schoolchildren saying what they think out loud? Tired of other peoples' opinions? This is the gift for you: simply present this voucher at our clinic, and enjoy not having to think anymore!

Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye Kids' Doll -  Now comes with touchy-feely features! Simply rub his belly to get him say nine different catchphrases including "Now then, now then" and "Tie my Kangaroo down, sport!" £6.66

Plus FREE Hampstead 50th Anniversary Mug - because there are not enough mugs in the world to buy these.

63% Off Vintage Hampstead 'Motivational' Banners - own your very own motivational poster, with assorted messages from 'A SHOOL THUT REDZ' to 'RELEASE YOUR POTENTIAL'