Friday, 29 January 2016

Op-Ed #3

Bwaah! I was disgusted – absolutely disgusted – at the notion proffered this week by that leftie-liberal Abdi Corbyn this week that the school should pay for the renewal of our nuclear submarine (formerly held in the pond), without actually having any nuclear weapons! What an idiot! Having a submarine without missiles is like having a blunt without any weed in it – you can’t light anything up. As a former Hampstead defence minister [link], I would never even dare to think about leaving our homeland unprotected from the threat of invasion by millions of innocent Syrian refugees, the bad Muslims and the Bosche!

The one thing I've learned from my many years in Norf Weezie as a ‘consultant’ for some very large banks (including Hampstead School Bureaucracy Committee, or HSBC) is that being a nuclear power means that you are always at the negotiating table, regardless of how insignificant you actually are. When I brokered a trade deal between firms originally based in East and West quad, only nuclear powers had a say. To take such a vital dick-swinging economical tool away would be foolish, something which Abdi Corbyn, as a leftie liberal who by default has no idea how economics works, thinks is a sound proposition.

Abdi Corbyn may argue that we could have the Japanese model, wherein we have all the parts to make the bombs, we just haven't put them together yet. Boo to that! The reason why the Japs have the system is that they lost the war! Having the capabilities to make a bomb but then not make it is not the disarmament Abdi Corbyn wants, and it doesn't make sense for the rest of us sane mortals; we still have nuclear weaponry, but like a big fire-and-brimstone mecano set, we’ll still be assembling it when the bombs fall and we are blown to smithereens.

The people of Hampstead are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that, like any jolly good Godfather film, business is best done with a gun pointing at the other guy's head, even if he's got a bigger one pointing back. Just ask anyone on a Cricklewoodgrad street corner.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, these are not the views of the Hampstead Trash, but a spoof under the name of a fictitious character. Anyone who thinks these are genuine beliefs needs to get a grip.

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