Thursday, 26 May 2016

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Names from the Block

In a strange turn of events, the Trash has learned that yesterday the School Council convened for an emergency meeting. In that meeting students were given a rare opportunity to voice their opinions, being asked by the School for suggestions for possible names for the forthcoming new buildings being added to the site.

Of course, knowing Hampstead's less-than-democratic past, we are fairly sure any such meeting was instigated to give the feel that any such names that are eventually picked were chosen by the students, in the same way the blazers were ‘chosen’ by the students. And, of course, knowing the type of student chosen to be a member of the council, and going by past examples of the types of suggestions they are capable of (see any Leaked Minutes article ever), any suggestions made (rather than opening it out to the whole school) would be so unworthy of note they would be on a par with what the school Management will irrevocably come up with.

Now, we are pretty certain the final names will be somewhere along the lines of the Zadie Smith Building or the Rachel Yankey Block, or going by the naming of the DTI Block, the Szemalikowski Appreciation Block, but in the interest of opinion and funnies, here are some of the leaked suggestions from that meeting:
  • Blocky McBlockface
  • Hampstead Theatre Religion Arts Science and History building
  • The Kinnan Zaloom Department for Political Sciences - in which there is no faculty head and no control
  • Minitrue, Minipax, Miniluv and Miniplenty
  • The Sanatorium
  • Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye Institute for Children Studies
  • The Kremlin
  • The STD Building (formerly the bikesheds)
  • Manor Farm (previously on the site of the Ecology Area)
  • The Eastern Bloc
  • HM Cricklewood Scrubs
  • … or ‘The New Block’ and ‘The New New Block’ again.

DISCLAIMER: Whilst the article may be true, the student suggestions certainly aren’t. But they should be...

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