Friday, 13 May 2016

Op-Ed #11

Lord Tony ‘Assembly’ Hall writes:

As Director General of the Buzz Bashing Corporation (BBC), the independent and completely partial media corporation for Hampstead School (and proprietor of the Trash), I have been perturbed by the Management’s recent moves to try and curb some of our freedoms, claiming we show an evident bias against the Management and their policies (which is completely untrue, we have an unwavering record on complete honesty and accurate reporting; it's not our fault if they are terrible). After all, there is no chance that every corporation’s trust has a chance of being corrupt.

The proposed plans also include the replacement of out trust of ‘student leaders’ with the even less democratically-elected school representatives, a move most definitely intended to try and make the corporation a propaganda organ for the school. Other tell-tale signs include the proposed name change to the Big Brother Corporation.

Other plans include a change to the time we are allowed put out our main articles, to give other competitive corporations (such as the flailing ETC.) more of a chance, as well as a promise for content to be less like the pointless bile they pump out. We have also been commanded to begin every broadcast with the phrase “Praise the Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea Admiral General Szecretaryforculturemediaandsportkowski”, a radical change from our current “‘Sup w********s, what’s good?”

Most damningly of all, the Management have said they will not lift the ban on the Blazer Bulletin Corporation on school servers, despite reforms, even though they contend to be respecters of the right to the freedom of the media. Asked by one of my reporters if he was acting like a totalitarian dictator, silencing damaging reports, Admiral General Szilenceikillyoukowski responded: “Silence him.”

Now all we can do is bend over and take it like I learnt in prep school, or we can continue to be arrogantly rebellious, truthful and opinionated. You know what, I prefer that idea.

DISCLAIMER: All the views in this article are fictitious and fabricated, as is the character. It is a spoof. Duh.

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