Thursday, 23 February 2017

Break Time To Be Replaced By Hard Labour

Break time is to be unilaterally replaced by compulsory hard labour, a Hampstead School spokesperson has said. 

Students will be required to perform either a "service" role or to operate heavy machinery in Hampstead's deep-earth diamond mine. The diamond mine is expected to eventually compete with similarly operated diamond mines in Sierra Leone, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Central African Republic and Liberia.

Animal rights campaigners parents have described the move as "exploitative", and "just kinda wrong", stating that they'd prefer it if the exploitation of child workers was kept " offshore" and in "the places [just about everywhere else in the world] that deserve it".

Abdi, of the Worker's Union School Council has welcomed the move, stating in a written statement that "it's the closest most of us are going to get to a job, lol" and praising the Head for his "transparency and dignity" throughout negotiations with BigDiamond™ and other major conglomerates.

In an official statement, issued via pigeon droppings on Cricklewood Broadway that spelt it out, Hampstead School noted that "there's nothing about diamond mining in the 'UN Rights of a Child'" and that "even if there was, we wouldn't really care".

DISCLAIMER: This article is a spoof - there hasn't been break time for a good 3 years. 

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