That calls for a Carlszbergski

After being tipped off by an anonymous Year 12 after their unsuccessful attempt of annexing the University for Education of Anarchy, we have been told there, on sale, was some sort of alcoholic beverage on sale called "Jacques".

We did some tough research (it was the third link on Google, longting) and found this is a drink sold across the nation. How is it described? "A fruity cider."

It has also been described as "Sparkly, sleek and feminine", three adjectives we use to describe Jacques frequently.

Szmirnoffkowski, Szheridanskowski,
Szourzkowski are all puns

I'm sure one too many Jacques would really make your language Fruity, and there are unconfirmed reports that it also makes your writings mad. 

Reviews suggest that it's good, but it's not quite Carling.