Christmas Crackers

After yesterday's Christmas 'lunch', we managed to scupper away some of the mandatory crackers that accompany this most holy of 'meals', and found that Hampstead School had this year chosen to use their own brand of cracker (which only came in red, black or white), containing what the Management considered to be 'jokes' and 'gifts'. This is what we found:

First, the jokes, by the subject they were nominated from:

English
"Shakespeare walks into the science block and asks for pencils. The technician replies: '2B or not 2B?'"
"What does Santa call his cousins? Subordinate Clauses."
"Three verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They Drink. They Leave."
"A synonym ambles into a pub."

Maths
"What happened to the plant in the maths office? It grew square roots."
"Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side."

Science
"Why didn't the skeleton go to the school dance? He didn't have any BODY to take."
"If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed."
"If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . ."

Social Sciences
"How did the geography student drown? His grades were below C-level."
"What's the difference between A level geography and GCSE geography? For A level you need 6 colouring pencils instead of 3."

Performing Arts
"What happens when you throw a piano onto a Year 7? A flat minor."
"My music teacher screamed when she stabbed herself whilst trying to unlock a door. It was a sharp key."

School's favourite
"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and school? School still sucks!"

P.E
"Haha, ur mum"

And then a selection of the gifts that you could have received:

Official School Mascot Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye
touchy-feely soft toy.

The Hampstead School Map of Great
Britain

Hampstead Baubles: yes, they are leftover stock from
last year.

A HB pencil.

Now we're off to cringe until we have palpitations, so until tomorrow night, assalamualaikum.