Hampstead School Can't Even Play the League Tables

The school has been ranked 26th out of 30 schools in the area for GCSE results, and 20th for A Levels, according to figures published last fortnight.

The ranking, featuring in last week's Ham and High, puts the school below other local comprehensives, such as William Ellis, UCL Academy, Quentin Kynaston, as well as Acland Burghley, which was deemed 'requires improvement' by Ofsted last year. This comes in spite of Hampstead pushing funds away from extracurricular activities and to expenses such as Attendance (costing £55k, see Trash passim) and the Rights Respecting Schools Award (more on that to come).

The numbers released by the Department for Education show only 53% achieved 5 A*-C (including English and Maths) GCSEs at Hampstead last academic year, which is a 10% deviation from the 63% the Head had shoved down our throats on multiple occasions as the school "bucking the national trend" for a fifth year running. Or was he thinking the "results can’t be compared to any other year" on account of them being piss poor?

Not only do the school need to scratch up on their Maths, or their truth-telling (after all, 50% of Mathematics is Imagination), but they can't even play their own game. At least if you're going to commit to being blood-sucking, soulless bean-counters do it competently, rather than what we now, affectionately, call the 'Hampstead way'.

"Piss up in a brewery"