Outrage over "Misjudged" spending

This spending has created an “incredible” loss of jobs at Hampstead, almost 25 members of staff have been laid off as the school invests yet again into banners and bins. The school has spent over £30,000 this quarter on motivational banners and waste disposal systems, this is viewed to be a useless waste of money. Dinner “ladies” (Men work in the school’s kitchens too!) have been hit especially hard with most of the unemployment coming from the catering sector of the school. As a result, the school canteen may have to lower the standard of food below par and start serving meat with equine traces.

Experts have reported the economic situation at the school to be “laughable”. Many critics have also voiced their disapproval of the economic spending at Hampstead School. The independent economic analysts have been rechecking their figures in order to have a good laugh. However, the situation is more serious than they make it out to be. An unnamed member of staff claimed “You really can’t be sure of your job here anymore”, the unreliable distribution of money has created a wave of tension throughout the teachers and staff.

The National Teacher’s Union are also believed to be getting mildly involved which has been a cause for concern for the school.The head teacher has released a press report saying he “cannot see anything wrong with the figures”. This is believed to highlight a major flaw in the school’s workings. Either they have not reported the entire figures to the head, or the head is lying (Never!).The Hampstead Trash tried to get the other side of the story, asking several ex-members of staff but many said “as usual, we cannot comment”. This may be because there could be an upcoming court case from the union members who would sue for damages.

The government’s education minister would also suffer from major repercussions from the scandal. He is reported to have said the spending was almost “nonsensical” which affected the quality of education throughout the country. He added that “There was nothing further to comment on, it just needs to be sorted”. The Hampstead Trash is watching that space...

The Head invited us to speak with some pupils in his office in order to get their side of the story. One boy said the school was “really good with appropriate spending” and he added that the school was “awesome” (Admittedly, after he was jabbed with a cattle prod). This was not a case of abuse, it is just “playful banter”. However, the head has re-employed the many members of staff lost with short term SLT members which should make Hampstead school so much better at recording late detentions and sending pupils home for having a loose thread in their tie.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.