Thursday, 23 May 2013

Message from the Head

Recently teachers of East Cricklewood Community Comprehensive received a warning from the President Admiral General Szehblhabdsfhsbghksbgksbgksdhbfksdbfksdbfkbfkowski and his motley crew of Ludo players regarding the following:

1) Students were wearing black jeans
2) Female student's skirts were progressively getting shorter
3) Students wearing Suit Blazers rather than the Hampstead Blazer

We, at the Trash, believe the disembodied head has rather missed the points and reasoning behind these student 'misconducts', as follows:

1) Students wearing black jeans isn't exactly a revelation. The fact that the S.L.U.T.S. have only just realised the true identity of the hosiery surely proves the validity of black jeans as a comfortable replacement to school trousers. Also, the dreaded embarrassment for a male to have ripped school trousers is prevented, as jeans hardly, if ever, split; meaning no one else in Year 10 sees the Bart Simpson pants that you thought were really cool until two seconds ago.
2) Article 13 of the UNICEF convention for the rights of a child, that Hampstead supposedly respects and abides by, states that children have the freedom of expression and individuality, this includes fashion and clothing. IT'S A TWO WAY STREET. If a female wants to wear a short skirt, let her do so, the same as if she wants to wear an ankle-length one. Or a male wants to wear one. Who are we to judge?
3) The whole point of the uniform is to motivate students to dress smart for later life, and yet when students wish to wear a piece of attire formally tailored to the right appropriate size a gentleman must wear and smarter than the likes of the cardboard cut-out blazer Hampstead supplies, they are shot down. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS OF OUR SWAG.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.