Saturday, 12 October 2013

Hampstead School is NUTs

This Thursday many teachers will be striking over Pensions and Conditions of Service. As the two main bodies are the NUT and NASUWT (what a catchy name) that are giving us the day off, we thought we would try and cram as many nut jokes into this article as possible. So, let's get cracking (1).

We at the Trash, of course, fully support the strike, as teachers, especially in our school, are hard-working individuals that are extremely under appreciated (crushed, even [2]) by the government and are paid peanuts (3). It is outrageous how much the role of a teacher is neglected in today's society, as it is more important than any other public sector career; HM Revenue and Customs could be destroyed tomorrow and the world would go on, but without teachers, Britain would fall. Like an acorn (4).

The only reason that this state of affairs has been reached is that those in power, those that govern us, just aren't fit to do so. We have career-politicians now, that devote their life to gaining power over others. The most decent politicians are those that don't actually want to be political in any way, as they are probably the most sound minded, and have probably experienced different aspects of life before they are given the reigns to govern. Our Education Secretary, the beloved Michael Gove, has never taught a day in his life, and the only things he has contributed to society is a face like a duck that has just seen the end of The Snowman and an example for Driving Students of a perfect U-turn.

This idea of management-for-management's-sake as a career runs right through the public sector, meaning that absolute idiots, who know nothing of a situation, are allowed to govern those that do; we can even see this in Hampstead, with very few of our SLT actually teaching, only going into the profession to 'manage'. We are sure that if the entire management team were to leave, the school would actually be better off. They, by the way, are not part of the group of 'hard-working individuals' that keep the school afloat, since, as far as we can see, they justify their wages by spending all year telling students to tuck shirts in. Cashewing in on others' success (5). We could have a loudspeaker installed in the quad to say that same line repeatedly for a fraction of the price of an SLT, and it would be ignored just as much.

We hope that those in government listen to the teachers this Thursday, for fear of getting a 20 minute detention if they don't. And, if you are out and about on Thursday and you see a teacher on strike, remember to tell them that "It's your own time you're wasting!"

We counted 5 nut jokes in that article, although we are sure some try-hard will prove us wrong in the comments section. If you think of any crap nuts puns, the comments section awaits...

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the governing bodies of the school, whilst upholding and supporting the teachers of our establishment.

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