Archaeology Report from the Wooden Curtain

The area known as the Berlin Wall has been cleared. It has been announced that the reason for these works going on for the amount of time they had, was the unexpected archaeological goodies to be had.

First was some unused Copper wire. This was quickly sold, meaning that the Head had an extra £50, that when used along with the Rights Respecting school money, could get another all-important bin for the now reunited Quad.

Next, was the finding of an old crown. Complete with jewels as fine as those on a woman from Essex's vagina; it was a brilliant find for the archaeologists. However, the crown was soon nabbed by the Head, who proclaimed himself Archduke of Cricklewood. The last time someone said they were an Archduke with Bosnians around, it didn't end well...

In the next morning's assembly, the Head, complete with crown, announced that he was "the Son and Heir." A year 13, thinking the Head was quoting the famous song 'How Soon Is Now?' shouted out "Of nothing in particular". With the Head taking offence, the year 13 was reported to the police and his preferred university informed.

The last important finds were some nice metal cutlery. This means we can now cut up our Fish and Chips (I think someone took an order of Rock fish literally) without snapping 6 forks and 9 knives per mouthful.


DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.