Sunday, 26 January 2014

Buzz Bashing - Autumn Term 2013-2014

As expected, when Hampstead wins something, even if it is a World's Worst Dad mug or Chief Chinchilla in the Fart Squadron of the Hitler Youth, it then features in absolutely everything the school pushes out until it gains another worthless emblem to fill space at the base of our planners. And this term has not disappointed, ladies and gents, as Hampstead's Sixth Form is now in the top 10% of Sixth Forms across Britain, and it has finally been called 'Outstanding' by someone. Or is it 2%? There does seem to be a bit of mixed messages here, but things do start to go wrong when lies get too elaborate.

This news would not be news if we had nothing to tell. The Hampstead Trash has found that, to get a report for Sixth Form from the ALPs service (the people that make this stuff up), it costs Hampstead school in the region of £1173.12 per year. For that single word, 'Outstanding', the school pays out over a thousand pounds. That is equivalent to 3120 exercise books, 5272 HB Pencils or 809 Baguettes from the school canteen. The Trash, at this juncture, would like to formally issue a request for the bursar for the school to state a justification as to why this amount of school funds is being wasted on something that has little educational value, and is only serving to feed the egos of the management.

It gets no better. The Buzz boasts of the school gaining 'LEAD' status in the eyes of the organisation 'Achievement for All'. Again, we did a little digging, and found that the two year course, where it is the teachers of the school that have to do all of the work and changing of policies, costs the school £14,485 over two years. To put that in a most digestible perspective again, that is 38,626 exercise books, 65,101 HB pencils or 9989 baguettes from the school canteen; enough to feed the whole school, including the Sixth Form, for seven days, with enough left over to feed 50% of the school for a further day. Again, we would kindly ask the bursar how this is economically viable for the school.

This is not the first time the Trash has noticed discrepancies in the budget. Back in November 2013, we noticed that in the budget for the school, an excess of £485,000 that was unaccounted for, or the school was missing £10,000. Once again, and any readers please do the same if you feel compelled so, we request the bursar for the school explain kindly why the numbers are not adding up.

To end off, we leave you with a photo (below) of the Head scraping in on Dame Tamsyn Imison's new book launch. I think it is fair to judge Szemelsliketeamspiritkowski as a giant vacuum, sucking in glory from everyone around him.

To see what we're talking about, you can view the PDF version of the Buzz, or you can pick up a print copy in the Reception.

The Black Hole of Glory managed to find his
way to a public swimming baths to maraud
previous heads.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. This is so student readers can hear both sides of the argument, and formulate their own opinions on matters pertaining to their education.

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