Monday, 28 April 2014

The Red Scare

Frequenters of the Quad (both East and West) will have seen patrols of footmen this week, donning red high-visibility jackets that made the scouts look nothing more than glorified bin men. The patrols, alleged to be ex-Szemzi officers, seemed to have the sole purpose of impeding on otherwise happy conversation, and looking about as useful as a sucked-and-spat-out smartie.

Rumors have been circulating that these new additions are somehow 'safety' officers, tasked to acrue another meaningless accolade, and have been set forth by our omniscient and almighty leader Kim Jong Kowski, and as soon as the Unsafe School 2014 has been awarded, they will be swiftly re-branded as the Red Army. 

The idea of having safety officers is absurd in more ways than one. Firstly, it is, as a child, almost your sole purpose to hurt yourself doing all sorts of daring-do; a certain amount of this is good for you, and this attempt at mollycodling and bubble wrapping students from any harm is just another example of Nanny State trying to take control. Secondly, it is a little like trying to protect a painting on a sinking ship; there is little point trying to protect students from each other and any dangers within the school bounds when the main building is undergoing subsidence, and parts of the school are falling apart a the seams. It only takes older readers to remember a few years back, when pebble-dashed panels begun to come unstuck from the 'New' Block, luckily not landing on anyone. And, if not the death trap that is the pre-fab 1960's monstrosity in beige, then the majority of the school is made of Victorian buildings, erected in a time where Health and Safety was not a thing.

We pledge to try and find the truth behind the real reasons that the Red Army has made a sudden appearance, and what badge it will earn for the base of the 2014 planner.

No comments:

Post a Comment