Thursday, 16 October 2014

School Scraps ETC.

The school has done the only thing good for the ETC. 'Student' magazine and thrown it in the Trash according to new posters from the English department.

The adverts signposted recently reveal a 'new launch' for a 'Hampstead Magazine', claiming it will be 'giving you a voice at Hampstead', which we very much doubt. We hate to cast a shadow over something that has yet to be produced, but judging by the poster featuring two shutterstock chinless wonders in the background, two of the characters from TV show Smallville, who run a fictitious newspaper (which seems apt when describing ETC); as well as the general lack of decent formatting (we know that teachers don't get a lot of spare time but, I mean seriously, who sat back, looked at that and thought "yeah, that looks like a 'good' poster"?), we fear it is already following in its failed predecessor's footsteps.

There are, obviously, other flaws in an otherwise flawed plan. In an attempt to make the content less indigestible, the school are only asking for "GCSE or Sixth Form students" for the job, excluding (like the school does so well) the rest of the school. We, at the Trash, the school's unofficial publication, still going strong at a year and eight months, is glad to say that our writers and contributors come from all different years, and the reason the content is so much better is not only because there are decent editors (the editors edited that in) without the conformist Orwellian ideals of Szemelikowski's Little Terrors, but those that wish to express their views on the school (rather than write pointless fan fiction) do so with a certain level of effort.

Under the 'why' section of the poster it remarks "To report news and help organise our team of reporters". Now, assuming that the indoctrinated Magazine cannot report a large chunk of the goings on at Hampstead (i.e, what we report on), because most of it would be considered 'bad' press for the school (or just 'news' for other humans), what with most of the happenings at Hampstead consisting of who's done what or who's done who, they will, regrettably, be left with a very slim band of 'good' news about Hampstead, like the fact that the Head recently had his third helipad installed this week. Even with that said, this publication has, insofar, only been published less than annually, which would make this already slim amount of faux news outdated as well, making any possible new magazine a more badly written version of the Buzz (hard to imagine, I know).

Ironically enough, we at The Trash had predicted the demise of ETC, saying it would go the way of the iBehave. Albeit, that's hardly a surprise when the market you're in is 6 month old recycled internet articles and "may-mays", meaning your only competition is the Metro and 9Gag, and you manage to be worse than both of them. Heck, even the Buzz has more literary credit, and that's more drenched in propaganda than the BBC before the Clacton by-election.

We feel for the poor soul who has taken on trying to resurrect and already sunken ship, but we fear, as the old name suggests, the vicious cycle of school publications' demises will continue, and so on, and so on, et cetera, et cetera...

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