Suggestion Box Exclusive 2015

Longer-lasting readers will remember our annual article, detailing suggestions supposedly 'found' in the now relatively antiquated Suggestion Boxes. So, as it is the start of a new year, and as we have some amphetamines left over from the weekend, here is Suggestion Box III:

- The part of the school mascot to be played by Benedict Cumberbatch (because he’s in everything, so he might as well be in an Aye-aye suit)

- A sandpit

- Jfk made the moon and thats why he wanted to go there because he wanted to go home.

- 18000 Nights of Sin (formally the 50 Year Anniversary Celebrations)

- A swimang [sic] pool (we already have one, and Year 7’s are obliged to use the pond)

- An idol statue of the great goddess Szemalikowski carved by 1000 Tibetan monks out of pure ambergris to be placed on a 24-carat gold plinth in the New Building

- The New Building henceforth be named the Jacques Szemalikowski Exaltation and Memorial Block (these are supposed to be terrible suggestions, not realistic ones –Ed)

- Where have all the benches gone?

In the year since the last suggestion box, we have realised some ideas put forward by students, and are proud to reveal two new services, pictured below:

"The school minivan to be sold and replaced by a
whale called Germaine that sings the blues (It's a Blues Whale)

"A second betting company to be set up (due to the Competition
Commission) named CricklewoodPower"