Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Cricklewoodgrad Christmas Ruined

Turkeys are set to stage a walk out this week over a lack of quality service by CaterLink, causing uncertainty about this year's Christmas Dinner. The move came from the National Association for the Advancement of Chicken and other Poultry (NAACP) after it was revealed that CaterLink had systematically overcooked their turkey for the past 15 years.

In a statement, one spokesturkey for the NAACP said that "if we are going to die, we want to know we are dying with honour and respect, that we will be used in the best possible way" whilst another added "Blarckblargblarckblarck".

The Head of CaterLink, Sam Anella, issued a response condemning the remarks of the NAACP as "fowl"[sic] and the issues "poultry"[sic], arguing that the strikes had been engineered by the "radical wing" of the NAACP, and that the CaterLink staff had never in their practices wanted to "ruffle any feathers".

The two bodies are set to go into talks in the coming days, although problems have been raised regarding the standard of communication between the people and turkeys, as well as one side consistently crapping on the table. Both Sam Anella and the NAACP said they would keep the Hampstead public "abreast" of the situation.

This is not the only festive disappointment to hit Cricklewood this year; elves are also set to strike over pay and conditions, the British Midget Association (BMA) specifying the vast difference between junior and senior elves pay as the main reason behind the strike, which will take place on Christmas Eve. Due to budget cuts, the factory was this year moved from its original home in Lapland to the premises of the now defunct Meral's in Cricklewood. Speaking to workers at the demonstration, they told of the cramped conditions as an "elf and safety nightmare".

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