Celebrated Music Student Dies 'Too Young'

The Hampstead music community was rocked this week as it was announced that maverick musician Ziggy Sztardustkowski had died when a fire broke out in the studio he was working in, some reports naming the cause of the incident as one of his mixtapes.

The songwriter had a tempestuous history with both the Music Department and the Management. In 1974 the song 'Rebel Rebel' was banned for allegedly 'tempting non-conformist thinking', and in 1970 Sztardustkowski was chastised after pointing at the Head at a concert and saying "This one's for you" before singing 'The Man Who Sold the World'. The release of his latest album was delayed due to an ongoing conflict about the school changing the title from 'Blackstar' to 'Star of Colour' because of political correctness guidelines.

In an assembly held in remembrance of the 'Starman', mourners were shocked when the Head announced that there would be 'Changes' including the removal of the back cage, remarking 'Astro to Astro'.  

DISCLAIMER: Of course we are very sorry to hear of the loss of such a great musician and cultural icon. RIP in piece David Bowie.