Thursday, 24 March 2016

EXCLUSIVE: From Our Chocolate Source

A bunny has reported to have been visiting Hampstead School this week (no, not the one that excites teenage boys), apparently hiding little brown round objects in the few remaining patches of grass around the grounds. Further inspection found they were in fact chocolate eggs.

Due to the low percentage of Christians in the school (parents preferring to name their boys 'Abdi'), the rabbit was later found to be called the Multi-faith-Spring-Rebirth-Festival Bunny. In a statement, the PSCHFHGSHFHDBHDSHE Dept. said that the eggs ‘reflected Hampstead values’; made to look better than it actually is, has no useful substance to it, and is ultimately hollow.

The bunny was found to bear no relation Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye, who was recently convicted for taking a minor to his car and treating them to his curly-wurly.

The Management has also said it will continue the tradition of appeasing students with a creme egg, handing out the confectionary today. When asked by a reporter what a creme egg was, Sharkeisha and DéQuan (of Year 9) both answered it was "what ya get when ya man gets ya up the duff". Insightful.

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