The worst scenes of violence scene in this part of Cricklewood since the Westbere Road Massacre were seen today, as two rival Donut Cartels, known locally as "The Sixth-Formers" and "The Year 11s" clashed in what has already been dubbed the Battle of Next To The Lift.
The reasons behind the violence are unclear at present, but Sauces close to this reporter suggest a Shoe was thrown by the Year 11 gang as a Jam-filled Transaction was taking place. The Sixth-Formers didn't like this happening on their turf, and so they attacked the Year 11s using AS History textbooks, which confused said Year 11 gang.
Luckily, there were no fatalities, but one Year 11 had his fresh creps ruined, and a Year 7 cried after seeing Mr O's sheer strength when breaking up the fight.
The scenes hark back to the aforementioned Westbere Road Massacre, where the scum Westfield rapscallions attempted to start beef, but the reliable Hampstead hooligans repped our ends with flying colours, until the Fedz came.
As soon as we get Breaking News on this story, or any developments on this story, we will let you know faster than you can say "Piers Morgan is a phone hacker".
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DON'T GET OVERLY GASSED.