Thursday, 23 February 2017

Break Time To Be Replaced By Hard Labour

Break time is to be unilaterally replaced by compulsory hard labour, a Hampstead School spokesperson has said. 

Students will be required to perform either a "service" role or to operate heavy machinery in Hampstead's deep-earth diamond mine. The diamond mine is expected to eventually compete with similarly operated diamond mines in Sierra Leone, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Central African Republic and Liberia.

Animal rights campaigners parents have described the move as "exploitative", and "just kinda wrong", stating that they'd prefer it if the exploitation of child workers was kept " offshore" and in "the places [just about everywhere else in the world] that deserve it".

Abdi, of the Worker's Union School Council has welcomed the move, stating in a written statement that "it's the closest most of us are going to get to a job, lol" and praising the Head for his "transparency and dignity" throughout negotiations with BigDiamond™ and other major conglomerates.

In an official statement, issued via pigeon droppings on Cricklewood Broadway that spelt it out, Hampstead School noted that "there's nothing about diamond mining in the 'UN Rights of a Child'" and that "even if there was, we wouldn't really care".

DISCLAIMER: This article is a spoof - there hasn't been break time for a good 3 years. 

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Wavey Wednesday #8

"Exam stress"

Love, Jack " An anniversary is the date on which an event took place or an institution was founded in a previous year, and may also refer to the commemoration or celebration of that event. For example, the first event is the initial occurrence or, if planned, the inaugural of the event. One year later would be the first anniversary of that event. The word was first used for Catholic feasts to commemorate saints.
Most countries celebrate national anniversaries, typically called national days. These could be the date of independence of the nation or the adoption of a new constitution or form of government. The important dates in a sitting monarch's reign may also be commemorated, an event often referred to as a Jubilee" Gough

Monday, 6 February 2017

New Year, Old Story ‒ A Level Reform

In 2014, changes that would see A Levels altered to consist only of a series of exams at the end of the two years, rather than the then system of exams at the end of each year were announced. Previously, AS Levels, typically taken at the end of the first year, constituted 50% of a student's A Level grade, with A2 exams, taken at the end of the second year, providing the other 50%. Under the reforms, AS Levels will no longer count towards a final A Level grade. Students starting their A Levels in September 2017 will do every subject in a linear format.

These changes entail a direct move towards an all-or-nothing, high risk style of examination, the same style of examination which is explicitly endorsed by those who decry the UK's unfavourable position is global league tables for STEM, especially when reference is made to the education systems of Singapore, Japan, China and South Korea, amongst others.

One may wonder whether this is intrinsically bad. To fairly consider this question, we must look at what appears to be the underlying notion of the policy change; higher standards make it easier to differentiate students by their academic ability, and mean that students are more rigorously trained in their subjects before they go to university or into employment. However, higher standards, particularly when they are suddenly introduced, can have the effect of simply sabotaging students, in the sense that many who might have achieved better grades under the old system may end up getting worse grades. They may retain their relative position in the distribution for A Level grades, however this is not guaranteed.

In a different sense, the aforementioned ease of differentiation by academic performance may not be universally desirable. Some may argue that more than ever, a greater emphasis on having a genuine curiosity about one's subject is necessary, and as such it may be better to have a system more like the one which is being phased out, where university candidates are considered on the strength of their interview performances and relevant extracurricular activities.

As many have noted, a greater emphasis will now be placed on predicted grades, which aren't always reliable, GCSE grades, which are also being reformed, and admissions tests, another variety of high-risk examination, although they already form a part of the university admissions process for many subjects.

It is incorrectly assumed by some that raising 'standards' favours academic meritocracy whilst also increasing the value ascribed to a qualification in the eyes of businesses and further education institutions; it is vital to consider that as A Level specifications change, an overwhelming advantage will accumulate in the corner of those who can afford private tutoring, with the vast majority who cannot do so being left at a disadvantage as exams become more difficult.  

Thursday, 2 February 2017

Wavey Wednesday I mean Thursday #7

Pictured: Man who looks suspiciously like award-winning actor, Danny Devito

In a twist of fate, Hampstead School has hired a new spokesperson, after concerns that their public image has been put under scrutinising light by unnamed blogs renowned for their "fruity language". Their spokesperson, has came into contact with this humble blog and has offered to retort any concerns we may have with the school's management. Upon being asked why he looks so eerily like director, producer, and comedian, Daniel Michael George "Danny" DeVito, Jr., he simply mumbled some nonsense before quitting from all further correspondence. If anything is to be taken from this exchange, it is that he does look rather dashing in that new Hampstead School blazer.

Love, Jack "an image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variationsGough

Monday, 30 January 2017

Teenager's 'Special Relationship' Actually Just Friendzone

Trash sources have confirmed that a teenager's "special relationship" is actually just the friendzone, as would be abundantly clear to anyone with rudimentary social skills.

It is obvious to everyone not inside the teenager's head that no, she doesn't "mean anything by that smile", and that she actually laughs at everyone's jokes "like that".

Sources not socially estranged from the girl yesterday reaffirmed their lingering suspicions about the stale Snapchat streak between the pair, after they took her phone while she was black-out drunk at the party, using an inordinate amount of emojis to communicate with the teenager (after having read through all 12,834 of the pair's messages, among other acts of sabotage too unsavoury to reproduce in print), who was later seen pacing about on the landing upsptairs with an even more pathetic and jittery gait.

Today's vague allusions to eventual explorations of the nth base which worked their way into every other conversation between the pair were especially awkward, after the teenager's even more transparent advances in light of "what she said" was met with an admission that she "didn't mean to send that", as well as a request that the he would "delet[sic] this" as soon as humanly possible.

During an extended interview with Susan behind the bikesheds, confronted by a series of largely contrived yet still potentially detrimental allegations, the girl purposefully put little care into remarking that she only talked to him because he seemed like such a loner. However, fearing that her 3 years of weekly drama classes might have failed her, the girl is said to have quickly added "he's really gross", before requesting a drag of Susan's cigarette, which sent her into a coughing fit, leaving her eyes too watery for further questioning.