Buzz Bashing - Summer 2018

Right, let's get this over with.

The Head's message was expectedly brown-nosing as the most ego-appeasing thing to happen to him this year was another photo opportunity with a politician. This time it was the current Education Secretary, a man who is responsible for the continued stripping of school budgets such as, err, Hampstead's. He is also part of a government that torpedoed the funding for the school building originally planned to be built eight years ago, and cash was only dished out for the new, and cheaper, one because the old one was literally falling down. But, don't let that bother the Head. After all, senpai noticed him. In his message, the Head took the liberty of calling the Ed Sec the "Rt Hon Damian Hinds" twice, a courtesy not even the BBC affords MPs.

There was another piece detailing a visit by local MP Tulip Siddiq. The piece was far less gushing than the Head's message (nor was it attributed to any particular author). I wonder why? It may be down to the fact that, as a Labour candidate in 2013, Siddiq was pictured as being horrified at the news that Kinnan had been kicked out by the Head. In the Buzz article she was quoted as saying: "It just goes to show what young people from Hampstead and Kilburn can achieve if we give them the opportunity….." Sage words indeed.

A further piece of news that availed itself in the latest Buzz was that parents could now download the school's MyApp to keep up to date with whether their child has been sent home for some grievous uniform error. Despite the school embracing new technology, they ask that parents do not unsubscribe from their expensive email and text services as "the e-mail service is preferable". The main aim of the app, according to the article, is "to improve communication with Parents/Carers. The MyEd App [...] has shown an improvement in our partnership." That 'partnership' - terminology that makes it sound as if Hampstead had merged with a Japanese conglomerate - is one frequently and flagrantly ignored when students are sent home for one reason or another (usually uniform) without consent of their parent first, something which is morally and legally dubitable.

Whatever formatting disease the beleaguered ETC. had seems to be catching, as an article about a Language Challenge suddenly and mysteriously changed from a black font colour to a grey one, almost as if the puffier parts of the piece had been copied and pasted from promotional material...

There was a piece about the Army visiting the school, because what Hampstead really needs are more egotistical, power-hungry nutjobs at the top of chains of command. And, in a piece about returning library books, Hampstead was described once more as "a School that Reads", despite the article going on to demand students return books promptly.

Congratulations were in order, apparently, as the school had won yet another award. Yay! Oh, wait, actually it had just been re-awarded one it already had. Amazing. There was a further piece about SAM learning being "invaluable", which is only true in the sense it carries absolutely zero value to any discerning student.

There was a piece about the school's debating society right at the end, which by all accounts has not fared well over the last few years. Now taken over by a teacher (when it used to be entirely student-run, perish the thought), the article did very little to promote it, not least of which the utterly meaningless UN right quoted at the base of the piece. Whilst debating is a form that requires an ability to develop and communicate nuanced points, the piece had choice lines such as "students work in teams of four to work out the pros or cons of a particular topic"; two 'work's in one sentence, ouch!