"We were attempting a new range of 'Authentic Char-grilled Chicken' when there was a crash. I could see some of the coals had escaped onto the floor. I saw Margaret Mbeka grab the closest liquid she could find and tried to put out the hot coals with it. It was a fluke that it turned out to be cooking oil."
-Ms Onyewu (Canteen Staff)
"The fire roared up like a massive dragon and consumed Alison Adaeze like a surprised roast turkey. She would have made good panini meat, if only she was halal."
-Ms Mbeka (Canteen Staff)
"Alison never made it, and we all waddled out as fast as we could. We set off the fire alarm and, after the area had been cleared of fire and bits of Alison, we salvaged some of the less-burnt pizzas and sold them as 'Authentic Chargrilled Pizza'."
-Ms Adebowale (Canteen Staff)
"Nothing of any concern happened here. Nothing to breach health and safety laws, and certainly nothing that could mean students are allowed out early."
-Dr. Brookman (Strip Ludo Trust)
So there's the story from the mouths of those that witnessed it.
DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.