Wednesday, 29 January 2014

The 'New' Block Development

Over the past few days there have been many developments around the school site, including ominous white markings appearing, lathered across the school and suspicious mining operations on the grassy bit on the right of the Dane Tasmanian building.

The markings, for blind readers (wait, what?), consist of large white arrows with crude measurements scrawled above them, and we can only speculate that they are maybe to show the way to a cookie dealer on a night shift, or that the Head has actually decide to build the HS2 (complete, of course, with a girls only carriage) or perhaps even the unlikely suggestion that the construction plans of a school council idea that isn't just more bins... Oh, wait...

These graffiti-based graphics all point towards where the 'new' block will be taken down and replaced for a better, non stoned pebble dashed building, that actually lives up to the name (we hope) of the 'New' Block, rather than some originally temporary monstrosity from the Sixties. The new build is set to begin sometime in 2014, but demolishing the current block may prove more time consuming and costly, the school having to pay for the removal of asbestos, yellow-cake uranium and all those bodies.

Most of the theories are just guesses, however the markings, coupled with the crop circles, must have something to do with the small-scale fracking that took place on the grassy bit of mud with the benches and chess tables and washed out sixth formers. This has caused a few earthquakes in the East Quad vicinity, much to the Geography Department's delight. This process involved a large machine that did something and some workers who did very little. Mysterious.

If you have been affected by the druid ritual markings in the school, please tell us your worries by writing #druidracist on a piece of paper, then putting it in an envelope, and then eating it.

Head excludes builders for graffiti; builders protest innocence; head calls university contractors' boss

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.

1 comment:

  1. Your new school block is going to be really really tiny if that's the foot print- how are you all going to fit in ? Or is it an entrance to a secret tunnel ? I think the engineers need to measure twice , then cut once.