Thursday, 3 April 2014

Bet DO3: Teachers vs Students match

Yet another bout of information given to us by our leak within the school: the odds used by the SLT to bet on the Teachers vs Students match that took place during lunchtimes on the past week for Sports Relief.

The odds, made by the man famed from the adverts proclaiming to bet #InPlayWithJaques, and from an email chain leading up to the events, are listed below:

• South African to score at anytime - 95/1
• Teacher to have leg broken during (or after) game - 2/1
• Players with similar skin colour to be confused by referee (√† la Andr√© Marriner) - 5/2
• Sports Relief money to actually go to Sports Relief - 7,000,000,000/1

Basketball (Mens')
• Black student to score - 1/1
• Student Team to look manly in bright pink - 45,000/1
• Tall teacher to overpower smaller student - 7/2
• Pubescent boys on the student team to have excellent ball-handling skills

Netball (Womens')
• 90% of crowd to be male - 2/1
• Sweat produced by players to be enough to feed neighbouring plants for a month - 5/4
• Referees to pay more close attention to this game 1/1
• Fouled basketball players to lose out subsequently 2/1

Unfortunately betting is now closed as the events have passed, however, there are odds going around, in lieu of Friday's mile run as to how many students are to either a) collapse b) go to Sam's or c) buggar off home an hour early.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.

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