Monday, 2 June 2014

Table Tennis Segregation

Before the Half Term, plans have been made by the powers that be to increase the segregation within Hampstead School. This worked out well before, as we all know; the Girls' Only Area was a great success with the area being used by everyone as a chance to pretend to be a girl, with boys tucking their johnsons between their legs to get through the heavy security.

However, this time there is an actual problem that is trying to be solved, however badly it is being done. The table tennis tables are one of Hampstead’s proudest achievements (because that is what this school has come to) as none of them have yet been stolen. But they are attached to the ground you say? I wouldn’t put it past some of the students. Table tennis is a major sport now at Hampstead, with many competitions entered, some of them won, mainly by maths teachers.

So, as with any good thing, the school has interfered, and the new bright-spark idea is to segregate the table tennis tables. The reason for this stems from the opinion that students, mainly girls, believe that they are not given equal opportunity to play table tennis and so, therefore, the six available tables should be divide between the two sexes. The current system for using a table is based around the universal rule of: if you get there first, you get to play. In this way, everyone has a fair chance, and there is nothing stopping anyone from playing.

Another problem is that Hampstead is a mixed school (believe it or not), and it is not like there is particularly unfair competition between male and female students in a sport such as Table Tennis; both sexes are capable of a fine wrist action, although boys tend to practice that more at home.

We here at the Trash see the imminent segregation of the Table Tennis tables as just another knee-jerk reaction to complaints, and is not a viable, or enforceable, solution. Surely the school would have seen the great success of the Girls' Only Area, and how much of a fuss we kicked up over that, and would have learnt from their mistakes. In the words of the great Mohammed Labbaanah King: "I have a dream that one day I will not be judged on the type of my genitals, but by my ball-handling skills."

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