Monday, 18 August 2014

An Unwavering Journey to Dismay (...Again)

On the same day that A-Level Results were revealed to the nation, and our little tin-pot dictatorship in Norf Weezy, the school splashed out on a whole-page spread that bared striking resemblance to the one they published, and we ripped apart, this time last year, right down to the text. We don't want to start repeating ourselves, as we would start sounding like supply teachers, but the article on last year's, which can be found here is easily applicable to this year's. The first irony, that comes from a little too trigger-happy with the marketing, meant that this ad, that boasts Hampstead is "the perfect place for your child to learn" coincided (to the day) with the news that the school had experienced a slump in A*-C results, begging the question whether it is actually the perfect place to learn. There's a certain amount of 'spoke too soon' about the advert, and in this instance, Assumption makes an Ass out of just you, Jacques.

The school have once again proven very unimaginative in their marketing, much like a 30's sheathe, taking a one-size-fits-all approach, with a 'that'll do' way of thinking, despite us contesting many points they make publicly. Below is the 2013 and 2014 ads side-by-side, so you can really visualise how much thought the school has put into it:

Advert for 2014
Advert for 2013

Moving on, there are a few things that we would like to pick up on. For instance, the fact that they still talk about their besotted 5 Year Trend in results, despite us disproving many of those figures as falsities. Also, it is either presumptuous or forward-thinking that they post the ad a week before they actually know this year's GCSE results; presumptuous to just assume they will have a 6 Year Trend this year, forward-thinking to use the 5 Year Trend tagline before the numbers disprove them again.

The title of the article comes from the sentence "Our fantastic school is on an unwavering journey to success in all areas." Now, not only is that sneaky, it is also largely incorrect. From the title the average person would think they are going to help your child have an 'unwavering journey to success', which, even judging by the stats on the same advert, is untrue by a failure rate of 11% 5A*-C's (meaning 11% of students failed in more than half their GCSE's). It is also incorrect as it not an 'unwavering journey to excellence', and not at all 'in all areas', as we showed last year, in fact, it is a very wavering journey in a very many areas, as per the stats.

They continue the usual diatribe about ALPs and AfA, which we can understand but not agree with; they want to get their money's worth (all £43,000 of it). We also noticed no mention of uniform or anarchism, although a stern finisher in "serious business of learning, and the conduct that underpins it".

Other things throughout the advert that made us laugh included one of the quotes being signed "-A Parent", as if there is a Mr. and Mrs. Parent out there, with their children Needsa and Absent, as well as the caption to the photo saying the head is with a "Hampstead School pupil", which could be taken very differently out of context, but also suggests the Head doesn't know or care about this guy's name.

The full page advert in this week's CNJ has set the school back £1,862, as well as the half-page ad in this week's Ham & High setting them back a further £1,220. Frequent readers will know from previous articles will know that these are unnecessary expenditures due to the over-subscription of the school, only to inflate the Head's already zeppelin-size ego.

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