Friday, 12 June 2015

12 Signs your School is Corrupt

In a desperate clamour for online foot traffic to feed the hegemonic greed for advertising revenue and a thicker wider-reaching audience, the ever-dictatorial Editorship have demanded we follow the #trends of publications such as HampsteadBuzzFeed and the ETC. Sp0rtz secshun and pursue clickbait articles that are less mentally challenging for readers, and involve fewer words, otherwise known as 'listicles' (which also happens to sound like a colloquial name for a disease of the ball bag). So, to appease our crazed overlords, #let's #get #to #it

12 Signs your School is Corrupt (in pictures - of course)

Look, it's a pie chart. It's called a pie chart because it vaguely resembles a pie.
1) Money is spent on the school, not the pupils. The school gets a little bit egotistical and decides for itself it will make itself look good for the press, and will pay for a couple of awards it will win.

 2) The media is regulated by the school. No, there's no way the school would have any influence over reporting to make itself look better, and anything that goes against the school deemed 'defamatory', even if true.

3) The school sell you lies. They aren't a particularly intelligent bunch, and so lies are usually easily spotted.

 4) The numbers don't add up. The school likes to get a little imaginative when it comes to the figures. It doesn't take an accountant to work out a slump in grades does not count towards an upward trend, nor does a badly calculated budget.
 5) The school mascot may or may not be a paedo. There are also assertions that the school mascot may or may not be an Aye-aye, or even a mascot, but merely a man in a rodent suit who likes to hang around school changing rooms.

6) The school resembles Soviet Russia. Speak out of turn and you got to the House for gulag.

7) They leak sensitive documents about their students. And then have the cheek to tell us we're legally obliged to remove our copies of the data they leaked, so as not to commit a leak!

 8) SEGREGATION. Rights. anyone? Need I say more?

9) The numbers don't add up. Or have I already said that?

10) CENSORSHIP. Because Big Brother is Watching You. See also point (1).

11) There is no student voice. Any attempts at democracy are thinly veiled publicity stunts to seem as if the school cares, only aided by student apathy.

DISCLAIMER: There is absolutely no chance that there is the possibility that all governing bodies are corrupt, and we can only attribute this notion to the article's 'mad writings' and 'fruity language'. All remarks are not defamatory, although some are made up.

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