Tuesday, 2 June 2015

FIFA in crisis as gravy disc corrupts

Football was in disarray tonight as the man who has ruled over governing body FIFA (and the Player 2 control too, the cheat) since 1998, resigned amidst a corruption scandal. Rumours have been flying around ever since that the Qatar 2022 World Cup bid could be re-voted upon.

One of the early frontrunners to re-compete for the 2022 competition is Cricklewood. We at The Trash have covered the bid previously. This bid seems to be doing well as many potential voters have been won over by lavish gifts of those water bottles, visitor badges, and umbrellas for the inevitable English summer (no worries about it being too hot here). In addition, any journalists accusing the head of the Cricklewood 2022 campaign, a Mr Szeppblatterkowski, of corruption, has had their employers called and accused of wishing anarchism on our beloved game.

Mr Szeppblatterkowski has also been considered to be one of the leading candidates to be the new Head of FIFA, having the required skills to: play the leagues, botch statistics, and invest money in not-so-vital areas. Chairman of the English FA, Greg Dyke (that's his real surname, we aren't homophones) said, "Yes, the guy is a despot. But he's our despot, and English despot. And we're that desperate to host and/or win the World Cup that we'll bribe our way to glory. Failing that we'll just disconnect before they beat us on Ultimate Team."

DISCLAIMER: Any likeness between Sepp Blatter and the Head of the school is purely a joke. An actual substantial claim like that would be far too harsh on Mr Blatter.

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