Rights? At Hampstead? Never.

Much like our critique of the Student Leader Team application, reading the Rights Respecting Ambassador application made us stick our tongues in our lower lip and go "Nnnnnnngh!" at almost every sentence. To save you having to read the whole document (because that's 10 minutes I won't be getting back anytime soon), and to save us from breaking the keyboard in rage, here are the headlines and our responses to them:

Under the title 'What will you have to do?':

"Have a knowledge and understanding of the UNCRC" - because we certainly don't!

"Actively link with other Student Leaders to promote the UNCRC" - What does that even mean? How do you 'actively link' with other people? Surely linking with other people is active de facto? Is it even possible to 'passively link' with people? What do they mean when they say 'link'? We assume they don't mean it by its slang definition, otherwise the RRS Club may have to relocate to behind the bikesheds.

"Model Rights Respecting language at all times and challenge peers" - Piss off. Modelling Rights Respecting Language didn't seem to bother the Head much when the Sachsgate tapes were used in Ingrish classes.

Under the title 'Why do we need Rights Respecting Ambassadors?':

"our ambassadors expected to work hard to help others in the school learn all about the important work of to continue to embed in the school’s ethos" - Yeah, we don't think it makes sense either. All the right buzzwords are there but, much like Eric Morecambe's rendition of Grieg's Piano Concerto, they are not all necessarily in the right order. Ignoring the school's surprisingly consistent lack of da gud ingrish, you have yo ask: what ethos? The school doesn't seem to have an ethos, partly because that would first involve having ethics, and because the Head seems to throw out ten new 'Hampstead values' every time he takes an assembly. Unless, of course, they are talking about the old Haberdashers' ethos, 'Serve and Obey', which seems to be an apt description of what the Head wants.

"Everyone has a Right but also a Responsibility and encourage the school community to focus on issues of equality, justice and sustainability" - Eh? Did no one read through this document before they sent it to over 800 students? In the words of our glorious martyr and saint: "I could have shat better grammar." Also, it's a bit rich talking about equality when schools in general are based on a hierarchical system for staff and a meritocracy for students, and in particular in our school the student voice, the voice which is supposed to have equal say as staff, is a ruse. I guess, even though the Head has never received proper justice on any of his misdoings, and there are many, we at least had some poetic justice when his idiocy made Kinnan momentarily famous and us a force to be reckoned with.

"Working with the school to develop/review the school’s Rights Respecting School Charter by consulting widely with the student body" - that piece of meaningless piss with all the hexagons, do you mean? I don't know anyone who was involved or signed off on our School's Charter, and I don't recall any invitation to any consultation. We can only assume that the charter was "drafted" by the Management, and they then "consulted" with students they knew would not kick up a fuss.