iCouldn'tBeArsed

Following in the wake of this year's school production, 'iLove', in which the school desperately tried to make Shakespeare more relevant to da yutes, we have decided to publish the key scenes from the script...

PROLOGUE
Two endz, both alike in dignity,
In fair Quad, where we lay our scene,
From muad grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes red pitch unclean.
From dem fatal junk of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd mandem take their life;

---SCENE I: Capulet's back cage---

Enter De ROMEO


De ROMEO
Listen yeah, man wants to link 1 gash still.
How is man going to find her.
Bare hassle havin to climb dat drainpipe
why does capulets have to live in Westcroft, bruv.

JULIETISHA appears above at a window, WhatsAppForSooth on her phone

JULIETISHA
Aight cuz, wag1

[tick] Seen at 23:19

De ROMEO
Aye 

[tick]

Not much, u?

Ur well fit imo [emoji emoji]

JULIETISHA
Oi, De Romeo, De Romeo, were u @ g?

De ROMEO
Lurkin' down in ur private garden [winky face]

---Scene something, Act properly---
Julietisha awakens from her slumber.

JULIETISHA
Oi cuz, were De Romeo?

Noise within

FRYUP LAURENCE
Whas dat? Sounds lyk he is dere.

JULIETISHA
Oi crap, he is totes ded, fam!

He has drink some dodge jager, man
Kisses him

FRYUP LAURENCE
Eugh, dat is well mingin'.
You a necro or sun'?

JULIETISHA
Look, bruv, a shank!
Snatching De ROMEO's dagger, Stabs herself
Oh no, I am kill,

RIP me.
Falls on De ROMEO's body, and dies.