In the new School Council Opposition leader elections, now favourite Abdi Corbyn has come under fire from all directions, been slagged off by ex- School Council leader Jaques Warmongererkowski and his ex-deputy, Gordon Brookman, among others.
"Anyone who backs Abdi Corbyn because of they are voting with their heart needs a heart transplant," said Warmongererkowski, before adding, "the NHS [Norfweezy Health Service] was privatised under me, so we don't do them anymore, but Science can give you a Lamb heart that the technicians have got from one of the Halal shops in Cricklewood."
"Abdi Corbyn could take us back to the 80s," added Warmongererkowski, "when Abdina Thatcher [a leader under which all the under-16's were forced to strike] reigned. She was one of my favourites, a true 'bay', as the kids say now."
Some of Abdi Corbyn's policies that have been attacked by critics for being too '80's are:
- Completely reverse the shrinking of the jellies, with the addition of satsuma segments
- Enlargement of the shoulder pads in the School Blazer
- Any and all mixtapes, regardless of how fire they are, must be recorded on a cassette
Finally, when questioned on who Warmongerkowski would vote for over Abdi Corbyn, he stated that "whilst none of them are anywhere as good as me, I'd rather Abdina Kendall because she'd be inheriting my legacy, which under Abdi Corbyn would end up looking like the Olympic Legacy does now."
Among other policies, Abdi Corbyn this week pledged to set a definite deadline for the report into the ousting of Middle-Eastern leader Sadam Zaloom and phoning of his prospective university, dubbed 'ETC. III' by the press and written by Sir Abdi Chilcot, something which would undoubtedly anger Warmongerkowski.
DISCLAIMER: Any likeness between the Head and a Mr T. Blair is purely coincidental. We all know he actually looks like Gordon Brown.