CaterMissingLink

It's not just the school that we lambaste, we also take precious time out of our day to point out the flaws of local government, national government and, more contentiously, CaterLink. Despite being quite a large food contractor, when running low on supplies, these are the people who have historically tried to pass off coffee cups of sweetcorn and a slice of bacon in a hotdog bun as viable nutrition and satisfactory food to extort children for since, as their contract dictates, they are the only purveyors of food allowed on school site (yeah, you can kiss goodbye to the idea of vending machines or an in-house KFC).

Now, with a new academic year, head office have decided on a new look, involving some posters with a few fairly bold claims. The first claims that their produce is locally sourced, unlike most History coursework. Anyone who looks at CaterLink's (frankly impossible) website, or cares to notice the lorries that frequent our school (or what's left of it), will know CaterLink's supplier is Stuart's Foods, a company based in Scarborough, North Yorkshire, not London, and pledges to provide food from local farmers in, you guessed it, North Yorkshire.

Another poster takes the time to tell students of the 'interesting facts about pineapples'. What they neglect to mention is that CaterLink have never, to our knowledge, used fresh pineapple, and even if they did, it couldn't have been 'locally sourced' as, believe it or not, pineapples don't grow in this country.

A further poster triumphed their current deal of two bottles of water for £1 to promote a healthy diet. Why anyone would need two separate water bottles for themselves at any one time is a mystery, and the idea would have made a lot more sense simply reducing water bottle prices to 50p. Even so, this still isn't enough of a reduction to make water seem value for money. For the same cash, a student can buy a 2l bottle of Tizer or Irn Bru, or a cheeseburger, or even a 2l bottle of branded water for 85p. Without leaving the school walls, a student can find an 'alternate' food provider and get two cookies or donuts for, again, the same price.