Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Abdina May to Lead School Council

Following San Andreas Coallung's resignation from the closely followed School Council leadership race, Abdina May addressed hungry journalists and sycophantic "class reps", who naturally could not refrain from a "hearty chorus" of "yeaaaaa" whenever May spoke.

Dismissing allegations that she looked "an awful lot like Comrade Maggie", Ms May outlined her vision for a school where "each pupil was treated more equally than the last" and "break time cookies weren't reserved for the privileged few who had been let out early."

Peering at what may well have been a cue card, May delivered the most memorable phrase after being sworn in as School Council leader; "The full name of my party is the Toby and Unionist Party. Even though the school has decided to leave the Norf Weezie Union, taking a separatist stance, which I wholly uphold, we must remain as one school".

Ms May is the second female student to take the position of council leader. Some reasons why this figure is not higher is said to be either down to the arcane school rules of diversity, in which all ethnicities have to be fairly represented, or because of widespread student apathy.

Whether a new leader will combat rising donut prices and the further shrinking of the jellies remains to be seen. All current forecasts portray a bleak and resounding 'nah'.

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