SHOCK HORROR: Hundreds Dead After Baguette Stampede

A stampede which is believed to have started after canteen staff announced shortages of stale bread, mushy tomatoes and pungent tuna has left at least four hundred dead and dozens injured. SLT spokesperson, Huey S. Long, described the reaction of emergency services some bloke with a plaster and a glue stick as "good", welcoming GlacksoSpitMine's promise of "cheaper painkillers, much cheaper painkillers", acknowledging the severe equipment deficit currently faced by the Norf Weezy Health Service.

Critics of the all-school canteen pointed out the clearly evident risk involved in putting loads of people in the same place, highlighting the "much more reasonable" death toll of the 2014 jellies riot, which took place when food was still served to different year groups separtely, during which four hundred were injured, but "only" sixty four were killed.

When asked whether a committee would be established to hold an inquiry into the stampede, Huey S. Long initially declined to comment, before mumbling "well it's in the past right?", calling for "a process of continual improvement instead of pointless reflection".

Individuals with any information concerning the stampede are asked to address letters to "Benny the Memorial Baguette".

Disclaimer: This article is a spoof. Benny the Memorial Baguette is in no way affiliated with the Hampstead Trash.