9 LEAKED Early Labour Manifesto Clauses

We've all seen the leaks, and indeed the real thing, but here are 9 clauses that didn't make the final cut of Labour's Manifesto.

1.  An end to the shrinking of Jellies.

2.  Cookie selling ban to be lifted. 

3.  End the privatisation of lunches, the lockers and the WiFi.

4.  Smother the New East Block in motivational banners, inspirational posters and other Party                  memorabilia. 

5.  Fully reverse cuts to the use of fruity language. 

6.  Strong and stable leadership? 

7.  Hire 10,000 new Red Army officers at the cost of £30 £3000000 £2.5m £80m amount TBD.

8. Do a thing. 

9. Construct a third, fourth and fifth regional Gulag. 

DISCLAIMER: This article is a spoof. Consider reading the real thing - or not.