Friday, 15 February 2013

Mr Jablome's rant #1: SLT & Blazers

Lagentlemen (© C.Gill), it's time to get serious. The SLT who were put into high-up positions by President Admiral General Szhbkhjfbkdjbvhjfdbhkowski after a massive night out on the lash, have made some poor judgement calls regarding our prison, and it's time we fought back. First of all, our daft uniform, and in particular the worst thing to come into pointless existence since #YOLO; the Blazer. This little turd of a clothing item is the most ridiculous thing I have seen at this school, and I'll take you through the reasons why:
  1. The justification for having them. A quote from the HS website. "It is also our aim to discourage unnecessary and expensive competition in matters of dress, thus avoiding pressure on extra expenses for parents and carers." THEN WHY SELL THE BLAZER AT OVER £35?! It would be cheaper for parents to kit their children out in some sweatshop-made clothing label than the new HS range of snazzy pointless-cause ties. 
  2. Lack of self expression. Another quote for you. "Nurture independence and provide the right support enabling students to develop confidence and respect." Independence isn't achieved by dressing the same as everyone else! They also want to "Provide a diverse and rich environment," which will never become reality with everyone dressed identically; it's the exact opposite of the diversity they wish to create.
  3. Defending the sovereignty of the Blazer. Perhaps sovereignty isn't the correct word for this, but the way the Blazer is omnipotent and omniscient; it should be worshipped and adored etc. I can understand the idea of wanting a School Uniform, but the way the SLuTs carry out their duty is way too heavy handed. The whole policy of sending people home if they don't have a Blazer is crazy, seeing the motto of 'Learning Together Achieving Together' doesn't apply if you've been sent home to get a Blazer, does it? I have heard rumours of people being sent home in the morning before a 9:00 GCSE exam because of their lack of Blazerial glory, and this in particular is inexcusable. Stupid SLT. 
So, what does the Trash want? Well, upon consultation with Cllrs Abdi & Hugh G. Rection, we have proposed the following new policies:
  • Get rid of the blazers, and burn them to keep the heating going in case of another occurrence of them turning off.
  • Replace said blazers with nothing. Jumpers and Shirts and Ties worked before, right? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Then why did they try to fix something that ain't broke?
Simple, eh? Doesn't take a PhD to work that one out.

See you this time(ish) next week for another pointless rant.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. This is so student readers can hear both sides of the argument, and formulate their own opinions on matters pertaining to their education.