Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Outrage Over Needless Spending

Hampstead School has spent almost £25,000 on new stationary equipment throughout the autumn term. New financial figures show that spending on books, printing paper and paper clips has increased by 67% by comparison of Summer 2012's statistics. This new revelation has shocked many parents of the students; it has also led to several ex-teachers saying they were "glad they left".

The main proportion of the spending is invested in new planners for the school (they have to pay extra for the motivational messages) that are used by students to keep track of homework and progress. Record amounts of planners are being ordered because many of the students are having their own being destroyed by a new graffiti-esque phase. Students are calling the new fad “d**king”, which is defined by Oxford Dictionary as the act of drawing/stencilling a phallic image.

"D**king is costing the school many thousands of pounds to recover from" noted the head teacher. "Artists such as "S.Mouse" and "D Dot Dizz" are encouraging the new trend, we encourage it to stop immediately", he continued. The economic situation of Hampstead is unsure due to the fact that the UK Government cannot be seen to be investing money into a wasteful project, or fuelling the "d**king".

In order to solve the situation the head teacher has proposed two solutions. He will produce a new rap song alongside "D Dot Dizz" (who is extremely apologetic for the new trend being caused because of him), it will be called "Say no to d**king". The head teacher will also order 150 new motivational posters, which discourage "d**king" in planners.

The Hampstead Trash believes that planners are a disgraceful waste of funding and encourage graffiti due to the "graffiti wall". The school should also abolish planners because they encourage phallic images to be drawn, an increase in that can be correlated with an increase in teen pregnancy. Therefore, an abolition of planners would save money and protect fragile women. We have also created a petition about the negative impacts of planners that will be sent directly to the new school council chair, Abdi, we urge our readers to sign.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.

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