Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Millions wasted on Mars Rover Project

The school has racked up a reported bill of “nearly a million pounds” according to one insider by investing into a Mars Rover Project. The main aim of the project was to inspire children across the school to follow their dreams similar to one small girl who just spouted a word out of nowhere, so inspirational. Many members of staff supported this investment because it created “revolutionary technological advances for, not just the school, but the students and staff also”.

The main points of the investment was into the new(er) Microsoft PowerPoint 2k9 in order to allow the head teacher to display the presentation to all 5 year groups, excluding the sixth form. Another system the money was channeled into was the internet connection required for some random administrative assistant to research 3 facts about the new Mars Rover ‘Curiosity’. The school has now got Internet Explorer 4 which has more than doubled download speed to a mighty 3.6 Kilobytes a second. One student, who was sent out of quadruple ICT was reported to have said “It is the s**t”. High praise indeed.

The head teacher has claimed that the new spending was “completely justifiable and incredibly valuable”. He has asserted that is a popular project and it has made his downloads (*ahem) much faster. Other teachers have agreed with him, admittedly with their b****cks clamped to cattle prods, but that detail is irrelevant.

On another economic note, the school has not increased the funding for anything that may provide better resources for the science departments. Teachers have said that “material resources are worthless, inspiration is far superior”. However, this may have been quoted by a Divinity teacher shaped like a ball. The inspiration projects are being supported by the repeated use of really unimportant “Wibbly Wednesdays”. 

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. To satirise true events, some characters or events within the article may be fictitious.

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