Wednesday, 12 February 2014

One Year of Leaked Minutes

Leaked Minutes from School Council #1 was the second article posted on the Trash, and started off my career as Council Correspondent, among other things. So, in true spirit of the first ever Leaked Minutes, here is One Year of Leaked Minutes:

Item 1: Compulsory Hampstead School Bandannas to be made of failing Year 7's flayed entrails.
Minutes: Abdi (Year 13) argued that this would be a good idea, and put less pressure on teachers, already exceeding their daily dosage of Valium, as well as increasing average grades, helping the REACT ongoing recycling project and freeing up corridor space. Abdi (Year 7) argued that this was somehow 'morally wrong' (like anyone actually cares), and that he would be made into bandannas if this were to be enacted, having got an P- in BTEC Ingrish. When asked to spell 'BTEC', Abdi answered "C. R. A. P."
Minutes Spent on Item: 142 minutes.
Actions: Prototype to be created by DT Dept. Abdi (Year 7) offered as sacrificial testing material.

Item 2: Foie Gras to replace all Chicken in cooked meals at Hampstead.
Minutes: Submitted by Maximilian Oscar Oolong, the proposal was quickly seconded by Marcus Kengtun, Preston Montgomery and Nathaniel Maskelyne van Reit Woolley III. Van Reit Woolley was quick to suggest serving Belgium Truffles, Freshwater Caviar and Octopus Nostril with the Foie Gras. There was a nod of agreement from Oolong, Kengtun and Montgomery, however the proposal was heavily opposed by Abdi, Abdi, Abdi and that token black kid. Abdi (Year 10) claimed that a ten year deal had already been struck with Sam's for pigeon, with a down payment of £20bn already being transferred. Oolong protested that Sam's had been accounting for pigeons that were not being delivered or, in some cases, had been deceased for over a year. Abdi (Year 10) made no comment, but said they would launch an inquiry into the accusations.
Minutes Spent on Item: 128 days
Actions: A simple 'yes' or 'no' referendum to be held at some point in 2014.

Item 3: Anarchy to be taught at A-Level
Minutes: Abdi (Year 12) said that the school needed wider horizons in people's belief, and that Anarchy would teach young people a different way of thinking. A spokesperson for the school dismissed Abdi (Year 12) and said the idea was unfeasible, and, looking at the minutes to the meeting, branded them 'mad writings'.
Minutes Spent on Item: 12 seconds
Actions: Silence.

Item 4: The current Head to be deposed from his station as Headteacher at Hampstead, and Kinnan Zaloom to replace him.
Minutes: If you are reading this, then you have thought enough to remove the black marker from this text; clever you. Censorship is a terrible thing, and we here at the Trash are doing our best to rid the school of it (obviously excluding private information which, by definition, should stay private). Just by reading this blog, you are helping the fight back. Thank you.
Minutes Spent on Item: Not long enough.
Actions: School Councillors dismissed promptly and prematurely, and sent back to class.


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