Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Students Refuse to Step Outside the Tube

The Management has responded to yesterday's fight in traditional Hampstead fashion - that is to say poorly.

In a release leaked by top whistleblower, Abdiard Abdidon, the Trash can confirm that we have exclusive reports of the assemblies that have disrupted lessons for Year 10s and 11s, earlier today. The assemblies took place despite concerns by teachers on how much disruption it would cause to lessons for GCSE students, January being a time when coursework and revision is in its final leg before the gargantuan, incestuous being that is the summer exams rears itself into full ungodly view of Hampstead.

Of course, we knew this assembly was inevitable. Yesterday, an "altercation" - as the Head likes to put it - occurred between the Year 10s and the Year 11s towards the end of the day. After one of them refused to ask the others to step outside the tube, not heeding the Szmellyian branch of philosophy: "Being Moist", what started out modest enough ended with a crowd of people cheering at the fighters. In the end, one eager student ended up being barged by the crowd and taken to the hospital via an ambulance, proving testament that if you crowd a bunch of kids outside in a cramped area, refuse them inside-space, and restrict them with rules that's sole purpose is to boost the Head's ego (I'm looking at you staircase guardians), then you can totally run a school. Being the omnipotent, infallible, and modest person that I am, I know that it is indeed hard building a school whilst also using that same school. In fact, shock horror, the Head brought this up in his speech and it is a point that is palpable and clear and kudos should be given to the Head for acknowledging and doing all he can to resolve this issue for you, the student. Wait. Did I say resolve? I meant go off on how he didn't want to be proved wrong to the more juvenoic of letter senders (side note: does he really get as many letters as he says he does about us?) and continue perpetuating an environment that has now led to the injury of a student.

The simple fact of the matter is the school has been running poorly. Rules that were intended to reduce congestion and make using the school easy and safe, has not necessarily back-fired, but instead not fulfilled its job. Students are more volatile. They're more likely to engage in conflict. Corners of the school have been taken by specific friendship groups and the library has become no more. The top floor has been sectioned off, there is physically not enough room on the ground floor, the music corridor has been quarantined, the second floor is guarded with limited access, and classrooms are reserved for private study (or locked, or occupied) and that's only if the teacher there is nice or doesn't catch you. And it's not like we can go outside anymore seeing as the space has been severely reduced by building works. This fight seemed inevitable, and it is a gross misjustice for the Head and Management to absolve themselves of blame, pat themselves on the bum, say 'we could do nothing', then continue limiting already limited space.

Oh yeah, and the Head was making some pretty out-of-touch anecodotes about fighting haha remember that? What a  M E M E .

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