The backbench councillor, Preston Montgomery Sadleton, is reported to have the most illegitimate expenses. Making the school pay for the most inexplicable expense claims, from the cost of the construction of sphinx with a face that resembles his own to the replacement of goose necks instead of toilet paper. The list goes on to even more unfathomable claims:
- A red carpet that continuously rolls out in front of Sadleton's path,
- Organic and Fair Trade Red Indian White Lilly Bubble Bath for his pet Chinchilla, Tarquin,
- An elephant chauffeur called Graham,
- A donation of £94.63 to the local Ant Rehabilitation Centre,
- A gold plated first aid band,
- Six dry cleaning bill for his school tie,
- Truffle flavoured floor tiling,
- A Harpsichord constructed out of silk,
- A fleet of camels for his daily travels.
It seems even the Secretary of Health, ironically, can not keep her affairs in order. This past year Councillor Emilia Wellington has racked up a £9483.28 bill owed to the local fried chicken shop, Sams Chicken. As much as this publication takes dearly to that oh so sweet and tender chicken, we can not even begin to understand the sheer amount of chicken Cllr. Wellington has consumed. This is not only a daft violation of an expense claim, but an insult to the scrumptious food our dear catering staff provide for us daily.
The inquiry is expected to last six months in total, with witnesses and testimonies from all councillors and party members. A great public spanking is expected after as a punishment for all misdoers.
DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.