Thursday 26 September 2013

The Hampstead School Alphabet

A is for ANARCHY.
B is for Banners that nobody pays attention to, except to laugh at.
C is for Constant morning visits from our fearless leader.
D is for DRUNK AND DISORDERLY.
E is for Extra Curricular activities which have pitiful funding.
F is for FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
G is for Girls' only area, because this alphabet needs somewhere for girls to hide from rampant sexism.
H is for HEADTEACHER, OUR FEARLESS LEADER, OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, LORD OF ALL THE BEASTS OF THE EARTH AND FISHES OF THE SEA.
I is for ‘I can’t do it I WILL TRY'.
J is for Joke (because this school is turning into one).
K is for krap spelleng.
L is for Late detentions, 30 seconds past the siren.
M is for MONEY MONEY MONEY.
N is for NO TIME FOR OP.
O is for Organic weed that we spike the bake sales with.
P is for Pizza. What? We all love pizza…?
Q is for the Quad, now the Head's helicopter landing pad.
R is for R the rampant sex drive of Mr Smelly Coffee that we all think of while he natters about trains.
S is for Smellycoffee.
T is for Teachers, the teachers that do their jobs to an impeccable standard while being ruled over by a walrus.
U is for UCAS deadlines we will always miss.
V is for Visitors to the school, so tuck that sodding shirt in you wretch!
W is for WINNING IS ALL THAT MATTERS
X is for every person that writes for this sordid blog.
Y is for YEAR BOOKS which we pay for but never ever seem to see.
Z is for Zaloom, forever in our ‘anarchist heart’.

3 comments:

  1. provocation at its best

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  2. LOOOOOOOOOL one day MrSmellyCoffee came to my science class asking me questions. (this was the day after u wrote an article about him coming into lessons and nodding and leaving.) WE WERE ALL SHOCKED! WE NEVER NEW HE CAN SPEEK OTHER THEN "tuck ur shirt In pls"

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  3. i agree wiv everyfing. i meeeen vo ve bi' bou' r spelleng is rong. as u can c i can spel purfectly fiyn. and so is my grama'

    ReplyDelete

DON'T GET OVERLY GASSED.