Thursday, 16 January 2014

EXCLUSIVE: REAL Leaked Minutes from School Council January 2014

Again, with the coming of a new year there is the coming of a new school council meeting, and fresh doubt about their credibility. Like past leaked minutes we have laid our eyes upon, the latest lives up to its predecessors' benchmark of hair-brained ideas and general ignorance. It is, however, hilarious, that since the Trash has begun to flaunt the minutes of the school council, they have magically begun to appear, in nice colour-printed spreads, in the School Council display by the Hall.

I genuinely laughed at the School Minutes, as I am sure you will if you check them out (links below); even on their own they are gut-wrenchingly mirthful, my commentary in this very article only adding to it. Starting us off on page 1 of the minutes bundle, in capital letter, in a big box reads the word 'ACTION', ironic as there seems to be very little of the sort in School Council well... ever.

We move straight on to page 3 of the bundle (no boobs on this, I am afraid), and the first point of feedback is that the introduction of house systems "was raised with colleagues of the Senior Leadership Team (SLT) and they request more details from the students as to how they envisage it working". Why? Why was it raised at all? It's a stupid idea. This is a comprehensive full of muggles, not Hogwarts. The SLT (Why they had to remind us who the SLT were is any man's guess) were right to stave off the possibility of the idea, although I can't see how more details would help the situation. And if you want to know how this student 'envisages it working' then I've got one word: badly.

I move straight on to point five of the feedback, which is just blinding: "Systems for litter and litter sanctions - students in IEU to do litter duty agreed in principle. Members of the School Council to also volunteer". I seem to be asking a lot of questions today but WHAT? I can't actually believe that this has been approved by a human adult. The thing that everyone involved in this menagerie of maleficence seems to be neglecting is that the IEU is not a punishment system. On the contrary, the IEU is to rehabilitate misbehaving students back into a class situation. They are removed because they, for whatever reason, are removed from class to work alone, until they can accommodate the company of other people whilst working. In that, they are supposed to be working. Despite them being in the IEU, they are still attending a school. You know, that place where people learn. If they were to do litter duty, it would either be detracting from their learning time, or their lunch break, which they are legally obliged to have. Also, since the school takes the Rights of a Child so seriously, slave labour is forbidden.

Equally, by getting students to pick up litter, you are giving less work to the Site Staff. If there is less work, then it is less economically viable to have so many Site Staff, so the school would get rid of a certain number. They are now unemployed, and the economy of the wider area is being affected because of this 'agreed' policy.

Point 7 is really clever. "Chewing gum - not allowed in lessons". You don't say. Maybe that should be a school rule or something?

Point 8: "Notices in toilets to remind students to wash their hands". You would think by the age of at least eleven, you would know that crucial step that goes in between taking a dump and licking your fingers. It's stupid; why bother?

Also in the mix was "Goals to be added to astro turf", which we are sure the Head will get 63% of, bucking a five-year-trend of no goals. Don't forget, we can't get outstanding goals, only 'good' goals.
Under extra-curricular, 'displays in year rooms' was included, as well as 'not enough food'. We're not entirely sure why that was included in that specific category.

On the topic of dining, because all that the School Council seems to care about is food, they suggested introducing a "table colour scheme for purchased meals and packed lunch". Again, as if I hadn't said it enough: Why? What's the point? It's just another form of segregation.

Other policies discussed were halal meat, vending machines, a tuck shop and "more food", which all sound strikingly familiar. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say they were identical to ideas already broached in the previous meeting. Oh wait, they are. Amazing.

I have only scratched the surface in this article, so you can find the full minutes here, or through Szemelileaks. The minutes bundle pertains to the meeting held in November last year, so tune in later today for a break-down (literary as well as mental) of this month's minutes.

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. This is so student readers can hear both sides of the argument, and formulate their own opinions on matters pertaining to their education.

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